Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
