i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
