so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Never underestimate the power of titties
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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