I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
i need an iv and a liver transplant
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
