And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize