she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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