i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
