You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
