That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize