i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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