Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Randomize
