Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
