I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize