Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
