i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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