tell your sister to shave her snatch
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I miss vodka workout Fridays
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
