you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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