Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
