after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
