You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
