the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
