i barfeds in our rink
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
