Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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