I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
