Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
We have so much sex to catch up on
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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