What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
We need to rekindle our bromance
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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