also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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