I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
