Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
