My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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