my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
