Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
