Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
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