I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
