What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
