Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I smell like Dick and happiness
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
