I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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