once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
