Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
