You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
