I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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