Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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