If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
