We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
