***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Randomize
