So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Two words: blizzard sex
Randomize
