god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Randomize
