Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
