He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize
