Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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