You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
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