You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
