She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
