This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize