Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
