Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
