So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I can't put those talents on a resume
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Randomize
