I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
