2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
