got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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