i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
