I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
i permit you to call me
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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