oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
There's always time for handjobs
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
