I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Randomize
