their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
