Just fell off a train. Bad.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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