You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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