sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
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