Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
